Nov 17 2008Oooh, Nice Ride: The New Presidential Limo
General Motors, best known for their delicious line of breakfast cereals, has designed an all new presidential limo for when Barack Obama takes power next year. They were going to do it four years ago, but figured, fuck it, let's focus our efforts on going belly-up for awhile. Anyway, the car.
Most of the specs of this car are top secret, but a few tantalizing details are floating around, such as the five-inch-thick windows that are about half as transparent as regular glass and can stop projectiles from assault rifles, rocket-propelled grenades and high explosives. It's also said to be built of a combination of blast-proof ceramics and exotic metals, and certainly won't have a convertible top or sunroof. While GM's trying to make it look like a Cadillac DTS, it's based on the company's line of heavy-duty 2500 trucks.
Top secret specs my ass. I'll tell you all about this thing: It runs on a rocket engine powered by the tar-like blood of terrorists. It can also hover. Comes complete with dinosaur chauffeur who doubles as sexual masseuse should you hit rush-hour traffic. AM/FM radio. Four tires and spare donut in the trunk. Mini-bar. Wicked two-tone paintjob. Left and right turn signals. Bomb proof undercarriage. 7MPG city/13 highway. A real pussy magnet. I'm serious -- the CIA stole my blueprints.
Obama's new presidential limo is built like a tank, looks like a Cadillac [dvice]
Nov 17 2008Asking Your iPhone: Am I Drunk Yet?
Drunk calculator applications already exist for the iPhone, but this one is more in depth. And freer. Because it's free. You can choose exactly what you've had to drink, and based on your weight, it determines how sloshed you are. Like right now it's telling me I shouldn't even be blogging. Fuck it though. Seriously, it doesn't know shit. Bartender, another. If you do get too drunk, the application will even call you a cab or tell you to make out with the dude next to you who looks feminine enough to warrant a kiss. Then, puke on yourself, lose your shoes, and pass out in a ditch and get frostbite. I mean, it's the American way. Back me up Superficial Writer. Haha, yeah, I just told them about your weekend. So, did you get dude's number?
Last Call iPhone App Wants You To Get Drunk Responsibly [gizmodo]
Thanks to Josh, who drank 40 beers for breakfast and still had bourbon with lunch.
Nov 17 2008Change The Color Of Your Glasses With Ink
The RGB Glasses from designer Luís Porém are hollow and made to be filled with the ink color of your choice. Want black glasses? Add black ink! Want pink glasses? Add pink ink! Want tortoiseshell glasses? Add brown, orange, and black ink! Want to frighten everyone you pass? Add the blood of your fallen enemies and smile while you gnaw on a raw arm.
Hit the jump for a couple more.
Continue Reading "Change The Color Of Your Glasses With Ink"
Nov 17 2008Tetris Bracelet: Damn You Got Blocky Wrists
Looking for that perfect present for the Tetris fan in your family? How about two free therapy sessions? No? Okay, how about a $70 Tetris bracelet?
This handmade Tetris resin bracelet is embellished with a scene from the classic block-stacking puzzler. Created by Warsaw artist Sylwia Calus (a.k.a. "Sisicata"), its painstakingly detailed with tiny colorful bricks, infused into a clear resin cuff.
I'm not sure what "scene" from the game that is, but it looks like the one where you fucking suck and can't drop a line to save your life from a group of terrorists demanding ransom from you family or they'll kill you. :)
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures.
Continue Reading "Tetris Bracelet: Damn You Got Blocky Wrists"
Nov 17 2008Now That's A Good Dog!: How To Cook A Hot Dog Russian Style, Or, Alternatively: How I Died Trying To Heat A Wiener
This is how some system administrator in Russia prepares himself a quick meal during those long nights at the office -- with a 220-volt hotdog. He stabs a fork in each end, connects the clips, plugs in the plug, and presto: death by electrocution just waiting to happen. The guy even sticks LEDs in the dog to determine its ripeness. Now call me crazy, but my god that must be one delicious wiener.
Hit the jump to see two more of the process, including cooking and LED insertion.
Nov 14 2008What If?: The Matrix Ran On Windows
Is this is what would have happened if the Matrix ran on Windows? I dunno, maybe. But the real question is this: what if the Matrix ran on ethanol? If you answered "we'd be drinking buddies," you are correct.
The Matrix Runs On Windows [collegehumor]
Thanks to Jen, who once went down the rabbit hole and found herself in Wonderland. Remember, Jen, what the dormouse said: "FEED YOUR HEAD! FEED your head!"
Nov 14 2008First Peek At Another Planetary System!
That's right folks, this is the first photo (I have no idea what this was then), taken by the Hubble Space Telescope, of a planet orbiting another star. "[The picture] shows a planet orbiting the bright southern star Fomalhaut, located 25 light-years away in the constellation Piscis Australis." Hit the jump for another pictures of a planetary system 130 light-years away. That Hubble must have some camera! And, wait a minute -- THAT'S NOT A PLANET, THAT'S THE EYE OF SAURON! We're all dead! But, before I go, where'd that sexy little Gollum run off to?
Hit it for a couple more photos.
Nov 14 2008Kami Kami Bite Counter Helps Ensure Proper Chewing. OMG, I Wore Headgear As A Child
It's weird the things you block out from your childhood. Like wearing headgear or touching a friend's penis. The Kami Kami Sensor counts how many bites a child makes (to ensure proper chewing), and beeps to notify every 30 and 1,000 bites. It's available now for $189 and I just bought one. Finally, a definitive answer to how many licks it takes to get the the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop! One, two, three *CRUNCH*. Three! And two chipped teeth. Oh shit, and a cavity.
Kami Kami Sensor counts your bites while scaring away friends [dvice]
Nov 14 2008It's Beautiful!: A Crystal (Meth) Apartment
Roger Hoirn is an artist. An artist that grows crystals on things. Because that's what floats his boat -- crystals. I like turtles. Roger was able to grow copper-sulfate crystals on every possible surface of an apartment. How?
The answer is simple and at the same time remarkably difficult to achieve on this scale. Anyone who has had a chemistry lesson knows how you grow copper-sulfate crystals: make a supersaturated solution by dissolving lots of them in hot water, then, as it cools, they recrystalize, growing on whatever you dangle in the solution.
He sealed a ground-floor flat - turning it into a huge tank - and filled it with 75,000 liters of hot, supersaturated copper-sulfate solution, poured in through holes in the floor of the flat above. Then he waited for it to cool, pumped out the remaining liquid and broke back into the sealed flat to see what had happened. It had worked.
Cool. And by cool I mean you can fucking forget about your security deposit.
Hit the jump for another picture and worthwhile video.
Continue Reading "It's Beautiful!: A Crystal (Meth) Apartment"
Nov 14 2008FAKE!: Guy Loses His Cool In Hotel
There are few joys in life like laughing at some poor bastard's misfortune. Which is why I loved this video so much. Unfortunately, it's fake and actually an ad for Cisco's Integrated Communications or some such poppycock. I know, major letdown. It's still worth a viewing though. I mean, it's Friday and you've already started drinking. You have already started drinking, right? Come on, have a couple cocktails with me. They'll make lunch taste that much better!
Thanks to Mike, who once blew up in line at Target. Nobody survived.
